


The Amazing Adventures of Alex, John, & Pals

by randy72



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, papa john's pizza, what the heck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randy72/pseuds/randy72
Summary: Alex goes to college. He meets John 'Papa John's Pizza' Laurens. There's other people. A great and good tale of passion, comedy, and the true meaning of love.





	1. Alex's Fib

Hi, I am Alexander Hamilton. Today I am moving into college. I am so excited!  
“Good morning, Alexander Hamilton. You are in dorm number 679.” The cool and fun lady at the desk said to me. I gave her a smirk and ran to my new dorm. College is going to be so fun! I love to learn.  
I walk into my cool dorm and no one is in there! What the heck? Where is my dorm room friend? I forget about that and I start to put my clothes in the drawers and put up my other things. I stare longingly at the snowglobe that I brought. It has a picture of New York City on it. I have never been to the Big Apple, but I will one day. All of a sudden I hear a little noise coming from behind me that sounded like a door opening. I turn around and I see that the bathroom door is opening. I almost pass out and faint.  
Before me, I see a beautiful, glistening man. He has beautiful freckles that remind me of the moles that my mom got removed off of her back. I fall in love with them instantly and I fall to tears.  
“Hi, I’m John Laurens.” John Laurens said, “Are you my dorm room friend?” he asks me.  
I begin to wiggle at the knees. He is talking to me! What do I say to him? I can’t let him know that I’m here to be his roommate! I’ll come off as desperate! “No, I’m just here to help you unpack.” I say so fast that it is at supersonic speed. I said that phrase faster than a jaguar can run.  
John lets out a fun laugh and pats his knee. “Okay then! You unpack this box, and I will unpack this box.” he says while pointing to an orange box and a matching green box. I smile at him and I open the orange box. You will never believe what I found inside!  
“John Laurens, why do you have this?” I say intensely, holding up what looks to be a terrible weapon.  
John lets out a hearty laugh. “Oh, Alex! That is no terrible weapon! That’s my automatic spatula! I got it online. You simply squeeze the trigger to automatically flip food. It is great for hamburgers, pancakes, eggs, and more. It’s made from heavy duty metal. To top it off, it’s dishwasher safe!” John says with a smile.  
“Oh my gosh!” I say. “John, where can I get it?”  
John Laurens looks up and looks at me again. “Easy question! You can get it at h-t-t-p-s, colon, forward slash, forward slash, amazon dot com, forward slash, Maxi, dash, Aids, dash, four, seven, three, four, nine, two, eight, dash, E-Z, dash, Flip, dash, Spatula, forwards slash, d-p, forwards slash, B, zero, zero, zero, one, six, T, zero, T, zero.” he says.  
I smile at him. “Great.”  
“So how long have you worked here at this college?” John asks me.  
“What the heck are you talking about?” I say for a minute until I quickly remember! How could I forget that I told John a little lie! I knew this would happen! I knew if I told him a lie, I would spiral down a hole of lies, lies, and more lies. I suppose I have to keep it going now. “Just kidding, little Johnny.” I say in a fast way. “I have worked here at this college for probably about… six years? Give or take. I took a six month hiatus once.” I say on the spot. I am lying, but I love it. Who knew being bad would feel this good? I’m like an evil, unstoppable, looming presence to everyone around me. I laugh like a witch.  
“That is a really cool story! I like it. I am done unpacking my green box, are you done unpacking your orange box?” John asks me. I am obviously not, but instead of caring about that I simply dump it out onto the bed.  
“Yes, I am done unpacking it!” I say while flashing him my big smile.  
John gives another one of his great hearty laughs. “That is good. Let’s go on a walk now, because you work here I know you can give me a great tour.”  
All of a sudden I see a little angel on my right shoulder.  
“Don’t do it, Alexander!” the little angel said to me, all knowingly, “You know that this lie will get you nowhere! You must tell John the truth! Just let him know you were playing a little fun prank on him. He will love it!” I thought about what the angel was saying when all of a sudden a little devil appears on my left shoulder.  
“What’s up, Alex? I’m totally rad and like totally here to tell you that John is hot, and keeping up this lie is a good and great idea.” the devil says. “What could go wrong?”  
The angel crosses his arms, “Many things could go wrong! Alexander doesn’t even know his way around the college, so how is he going to give John Laurens a tour?” he says.  
“Blah, blah, blah. You are so stupid!” the devil says as a rebuttal.  
“Good point,” I say. I flick the angel off my shoulder and give the devil a kiss before he flies away.  
John looks at me with a mask of confusion. “What is a good point?” he asks me.  
“The devil gave me a good point,” I say.  
“Okay.” John Laurens says. With that, we walk together out the door and down the stairs, side by side the whole time. That is actually a little lie! We were not side by side when we walked out the doorway. The reason why is that I have slightly wider set hips, and so we could not have fit. I inherited these hips from my mom and it is my passion and hobby to use them at the club to attract potential people. When I go to the big apple I will use my hip shaking abilities to attract broadway stars like Lin Manuel Miranda. He looks just like me, it is like Freaky Friday or something! But I don’t care about him so I don’t want to talk about him anymore!  
While we are walking side by side down the sidewalk, I stare at beautiful John Laurens. Beautiful John. Beautiful Johnny Boy. Beautiful Papa John’s Pizza.  
“So, where should we go first?” Papa John’s Pizza asks me.  
I panic for a minute, until I regain my cool. I can get away with this one like a smooth criminal. “I know the perfect place!” I plan on taking him to the place that I know best. The front desk, where I talked to the cool and fun lady. I start running and John runs after me, except for I am a faster runner than him, so sometimes I would have to stop for a little bit and then he would catch up and then I would start running again.  
John Laurens is gasping for air as if he swallowed too much water. “So Alex,” he says while sprinting. “What is that building?” he says while kind of pointing to some brick building on our left.  
I wink and smile at him. “Good question. That would be the Fun Party. It is a big party that you can go to on weekends or if you are ever sad or scared. Don’t let the looks deceive you. All the magic is on the inside.” I say while winking again. I am such a talented liar. I love myself.  
John’s little eyes light up like a star on Christmas Eve. “Party? I’ve always wanted to go to one! Sadly, I was never invited to parties as a kid.” John said with tears filling his eyes.  
I give him a little frown. “I’m sorry, Johnny. I will take you to a party. Also, we are at my favorite building.” I say. John and I walk into the main office. I show him the bench I sat at, the pamphlets that you can get, and I notice something that is like a diamond in the rust! The lady at the desk is gone! Now is my chance to shine like the diamond I know I can be.  
I lead John behind the desk and sit in the rolly chair. “Yeah not to brag or anything, but this is my chair that I sit in. It is literally my seat. I love it!” I pick up a stapler. “And this is my stapler. I love to staple things with it.”  
John laughs at my stapler. “Could I give it a go?” he asks me.  
“Yes!” I hand beautiful John my stapler and watch as his good hands staple papers together. I do not know what these papers are or who they belong to. I think I see a birth certificate in the mix, but I do not care that much actually.  
“Wow this is so fun, Alexander Hamilton,” he says. He points to a photo frame of a family. “Who are they?” he asks.  
I pick up the frame and start to hug it. “Why that’s me and my family! I miss them dearly.” I say to him, with dead eyes.  
“Oh cool, so which one are you?” he asks delicately.  
I give the picture a quick look and point at the child in the middle. “That one is me! I have changed a lot, haven’t I?” I say while laughing.  
John smiles at me. “Yes, you have. Why does your shirt say ‘I’m the Big Sister?” he questions.  
I scan my mind for a simple and easy explanation. I come up with a brilliant one. “Twas the night of Halloween. I was dressed up as a big sister for Halloween. No more questions about me. John, how do you feel about my office that I have here?” I ask, changing the subject with ease.  
“It is very nice. I love the neutral colors of it, not to mention-” John’s beautiful and enchanting voice is interrupted by a woman.  
“What the heck is going on here?” she asks, while kind of pushing me off of the chair. I look her in the eyes and I see that she is the lady at the desk from the beginning of my journey.  
I was about to give my witty excuse when John starts to talk. “What do you mean? We were just hanging out in Alex’s office. Is there a problem here?” John’s voice was normally like music to my ears, but right now it is not so good.  
Martha gives me a menacing and terrible glare. “Excuse me? No, no, no. This is my office! Get out of my office right now before I kick you out.” She stares at me closely. “Hey, didn’t you come to me earlier. Why aren’t you in your dorm room? I gave you the number!”  
In that moment, I did not know what to do, so I ran out the door and sprinted so fast until I ran into a bush and hid there for a little bit. What was I going to do? Now that John found out my secret… I don’t know why I tried to keep it from him in the first place. My college life is ruined. If the word gets out, I’ll be ruined. My honor is gone and thrown in the trash. I’ll look like a disgusting stupid person when John finds out I’m his dorm mate. My head is scanning for answers, and all sources are leaning to one thing. I should run away. Just get out of this terrible land, and start my new life over somewhere else. All of a sudden, John Laurens hops into the bushes.  
“Alex, what the heck? Why did you say that was your office?” he asks me.  
“Okay, John. It’s time you know the truth.” I take a deep breath in. “John Laurens… I don’t work here. It was a little prank that I played. I am secretly your dorm roommate friend.”  
John looks confused, and begins to give me a smile that is brighter than the sun in the morning. I start crying.  
“I’m just so sorry, John Laurens! I can’t believe you are smiling at me! I don’t deserve this! I just wanted you to like me! I didn’t want to look desperate by telling you I was your dorm friend!” I say while sobbing.  
John gives me a sympathetic look. “Do what makes your soul shine.” John Laurens says to me.  
I look up out of my tear filled hands. “What?” I ask softly.  
“The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.” he says.  
I begin shaking of happiness and give him a hug. “Thank you, John Laurens. I’m so happy that we are roommates.” I say  
John and I walk back to our room together. He is so freaking cool! College is going to be so awesome!

Tune In Next Time:  
Alex and John meet a French boy and help him dress like a true American.


	2. Je M'appelle La Baguette

Hi, it’s me again, Alexander Hamilton. The last time you saw me I was just moving into college and I met cool and beautiful John Laurens. He is going to be my best friend forever probably. Or my lover. Right now I am playing checkers with him.  
“Check mate! I win again, Alex.” John says with a smirk, “You really are bad at this game.”  
I get angry at this so I toss the board over a little bit. Johnny doesn’t care and pats my back.  
I’m about to give him a pat back, when all of a sudden I hear a French noise come from the hallway! John and I both sprint outside and to our surprise we see a man sitting on the floor outside of a door. Why does he have so much hair?  
I take a step towards him, “Excuse me, do you need any help?” I say while tapping his shoulder.  
He looks up to me and I see that he has a very sad look in his eyes. He sits for a few moments when all of a sudden he breaks into a French smile.  
“Bonjour! I am Marie-Joseph Paul Eiffel Tower Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette! But you can call me Lafayette oui oui!” Lafayette says with a French accent.  
John turns to me and leans towards my ear so he can whisper his secret to me, “Alex, did you understand anything this man just said?” I shake my head to say I did not. His accent was just too thick.  
I turn my head and whisper to John, “I think he said his name is Baguette?”.  
John nods and turns back to Baguette. “So, what seems to be the problem here?”  
He stands up from the floor and motions to the door knob, “You see, hon hon, I cannot get this door to open! It is the door to my… how you say? Oh yes, my room.” said Baguette, “I just got here from France. I love America!” he says, pulling a small American flag from his pocket. I stare at him for a moment and then I twist the doorknob a little bit, except it is locked so it doesn’t twist all the way. Locked doors are pretty much my pet peeve so I want to break it down with my body, but I resist.  
John squints at the door like it is a man breaking into a store, and then he turns towards the French boy, “Did Martha give you a key?” John asks.  
Baguette gives us a bit of a confused face, “What is this ‘key’? Do you mean the metal toothpick that I was given?” he asks, while pulling the key out of his pocket. John and I have a very good and hearty laugh about that one. I grab the little key and try to shove it into the keyhole, but it doesn’t fit! I pull it out and inspect it carefully, and I see that Baguette literally used this key as a toothpick and he messed it up so bad that it won’t even fit.  
“John, what are we going to do?” I ask John Laurens.  
“Yes Johnny Boy, what are we to do?” Baguette says.  
John taps his foot and spends a little bit of time thinking. That’s when he comes up with his brilliant plan that I love! “I know!” says John, “We can go ask Martha for a new key! It is foolproof.” John says, flashing us one of his award winning smiles. With that, John, Baguette, and I all begin to sprint together to go ask Martha for a new key.  
While we are running, I want to ask Baguette a question, “How did you not know what a key was? Do you not have those in France?” I ask him.  
Baguette shrugs at me, “We have them, but all of ours are shaped like the Eiffel Tower. When I saw it, it just looked like a metal toothpick to me, hon hon hon!” he says.  
I nod knowingly, and we are finally at the front office. I lead the boys in, and I see that I am just in time. Martha is sitting at her desk, and she looks very peaceful. I can’t wait until she can help us out with our problem!  
“Martha!” I yell at her from across the room.  
She turns around and sees the three of us smiling at her. She doesn’t look like a very happy lady, but I know that on the inside her soul is joyful to see us on this day. John takes a step toward her, “Hi, Martha! I am here with Alex and Baguette, because Baguette accidentally ate his key so now it won’t work. It’s a long story on why he did that, basically, the key was lost in translation. Anyways, could you give him a new key?” he says.   
Martha does a big sigh, and she walks off into a room behind her. I give Baguette a big thumbs up. Martha comes back with a beautiful and gorgeous key that looks almost just like mine and John’s key. “Thanks, Martha! Baguette really appreciates this, don’t you Baguette?” I say.  
He shakes his head, “Oui! Merci madame.” he says.  
Martha gives me a little bit of a confused look. “What did you just call him?”  
I smile at my friend Martha. “I called him Baguette! That’s his name.” Martha is hard of hearing I think. It makes sense, because she is kind of old.  
Martha shakes her elderly head, “No, his name is Lafayette.” she says.  
John and I both look at Martha, and then Lafayette. “Okay.” I say, and the three of us sprint back to our dorms. John and I walk into Lafayette’s so we can help him unpack a little bit.  
John opens up one of the boxes and vomits. “Lafayette, what the heck is this?” John says while pulling out an ugly and unfashionable striped turtleneck shirt that has a picture of the Eiffel Tower and a baguette on the front. John throws it on the ground and pulls out another that looks exactly like it, and another, and another.  
Lafayette shrugs his French shoulders, “It is what we wear back in France. Do you not like?” he asks us with waiting eyes.  
I pat him on the shoulder several times, “It’s not that we don’t like it, my buddy. It’s just not the typical American style.”  
Lafayette puts both of his hands on my shoulders and says, “Alexander. John. You two must help me dress in the typical American style! It is my dream come true to look like a beautiful and stylish United States boy.”  
“Okay, Lafayette.” I begin, “John Laurens and I will take you to the best store I know. They have the most fashionable and American clothes that the world has ever seen, and you will love it.”  
As John, Lafayette, and I are pulling into the Target parking lot Lafayette is about to explode from excitement.  
John touches the car air freshener that I have, “Alex, why do you have an air freshener that smells like warm sugar cookies?” he asks.  
“Why not?” I reply to the beautiful man.  
“Because it doesn’t make any sense! It is a problem if your car naturally smells that sweet, so why would you want that? Why not get the ‘new car scent’ car air freshener?” he says.  
“Shut up.” I say to John, and then the three of us all walk into the store together. We head straight to the men’s clothing section, and I see that Lafayette’s eyes are immediately drawn to a purple sweater that has a football on it. He sprints over to it so fast.  
“This is an American football!” Lafayette says with a youthful and exciting look in his eyes, “I must have this. Tell me Alexander, is this good American fashion?” he asks desperately.  
I give him a nod. “Absolutely! Any self respecting American would have something like this in their closet.”  
John steps forward, “Yes, I do agree. It would pair beautifully with a pair of jeans and maybe some sneakers. Something casual, but you can still wear it to the club.”  
John saying that made my heart race like never before. I had a throbbing heart. I love the club! I wonder if beautiful John will ever go to the club with me. But enough about clubs, this is a fashion emergency.  
“Laf, here is a fashion tip for you.” I say to Lafayette while he is pulling out a notepad to write it down on, “Always have your belt match your shoes. Also, you should never wear all three primary colors at once.” I say while Lafayette is frantically writing all of this down.  
After about 10 more minutes Lafayette has a great pile of clothes that he is going to try on. John and I sit on the bench outside of the dressing room and we wait for Lafayette to come out in the first outfit.  
Lafayette walks out wearing boot-cut jeans, a flannel, cowboy boots, and a bolo tie around his neck. I try to hold back my witch cackles. I see that John is giving him a little bit of a concerned look.  
“Where did you happen to get the style idea for this outfit?” he asks him gently. Lafayette points to the cowboy across the store.  
“You see, I saw that wonderful man across the store. Oui oui! He seemed like the perfect picture of American fashion.” Lafayette said with confidence. The cowboy waved to Lafayette while he finished paying for his cow.  
How was I supposed to tell Lafayette that cowboy attire is maybe not the most fashionable outfit?  
Before I can say something to him, John steps him, “Well that’s okay, maybe we can try on something else? See what other great outfits you have?” Lafayette quickly hops back into the dressing room.  
“John, I do not think that that outfit was a very good one. He looked silly!” I whisper to Johnny.  
“I agree! But we must support him. Maybe his next outfit will be more our speed.” he whispers back. Lafayette walks back out wearing a full suit. A wave of confusion went over my face.  
“Lafayette, where did you get this outfit idea?” I ask him simply. I don’t want to hurt his French feelings.  
He gives me a fat smile, “Good question, Alex! I was thinking of the most American thing when I see this magazine with Barack Obama on the cover! He was the inspiration for my outfit.” he says. John and I both nod at him.  
“Okay well let’s see what is up next.” I tell him. He walks back into the dressing room.  
“What are we going to do, John Laurens?” I ask.  
“Let’s just wait. There’s no way the next outfit can be worse than the first two.” he says, looking like a hopeful boy. I’m wiggling with anticipation.  
Then Lafayette walks out completely naked, with only an American flag covering up what’s down south.  
“Lafayette!” John and I yell in unison.  
Lafayette gives us a smile, and says “Well, you two seemed to love my first two American inspired outfits, this one only felt natural.” he says with a patriotic gleam in his eyes.  
I stand up and put my little fingers on Lafayette’s shoulders, “Listen, Laf. Believe it or not, most normal American boys don’t base all of their outfits on the United States of America.” Lafayette looked shocked as I broke the news to him. I continued on, “Now don’t get me wrong! These are great outfit ideas, but I think we should tone them down a bit more. Let’s maybe look for a t-shirt with Barack Obama on it. And we can keep this cowboy flannel, but let’s lose the bolo tie. We can all win here!” I said with a wonderful smile.  
“Oui oui… Can I keep my American flag? I like the way it feels against my skin.” said the French Lafayette.  
John walked to us and said, “Of course you can! But maybe only wear it in the comfort of your own home.” We all shared a glorious laugh.  
After we finished paying for the clothes Lafayette got, we hopped back into my car and drove back to the college. On the ride, John grabbed my Warm Sugar Cookies car air freshener and threw it out the window and I started to cry, but besides that it was a wonderful car ride.  
Once we were back at the college, I sure was ready to hit the hay. I made sure Laf could use his key correctly, and then I sprinted to my bed. I fell asleep with visions of John Lauren sugar plums dancing in my head.

Tune In Next Time:  
The gang meets Hercules Mulligan, who happens to be scared of his own reflection. Seriously! He hides in the closet from a mirror.


End file.
